Big Love

Can we do this? Can we see each other as we are? Can we drop all the pretenses of that which separates us and give each other the care we need to survive life together? Can we stop seeing differences and start seeing a human family?

The intellect – that which we strive to improve – those arguments – pushes us further away from each other. The adolescent neuroses – those tantrums – the me me me – drives us even harder away. And even the thought of an innocent heart – childlike wonder – can save us, is a fallacy.

This is a very small world where nothing is gained and everything is lost. Arguments need sides. A this or that. When you start separating each other out, the heart loses and the adolescent neuroses of jealousy, envy, fear of vulnerability, fear of not being special, fear of being left behind, the mental reactions in a mind that manufactures a reality from feeling alone take over.

Everyone is told that they are special. In fact, if you don’t believe in your own specialness, the thought is that there must be something wrong with you. That again – begins the separation. If I’m special, then no one else can be – because special is well, special. This specialness also is what makes people not consider others. Specialness brings with it an air of superiority which again separates us. This superiority is seen in attitudes that “you just have to want it more” or “you can manifest it if you try” – which always has an air of Well you must not be as special. That somehow your lack of success is tied to and therefore someone else’s success is tied to Specialness.

So what makes me special? And can I keep this up every single day? The answer is NO. My humanness makes me a part of you, and we are absolutely and deliciously normal. We falter, we ache, we strive, we are committed, we grow, we rejoice, we are grateful, we express an individuality that is uniquely our own, but it is no better or worse than anyone else’s.

Our way of dealing with success, loss, and forces that are beyond our control is what makes us who we are – but, we all go through this. Each of us. To ignore the ebbs and flows of our life, is not the answer. Be Present. A lot of people think that going back to childlike wonder is the way to express carefree happiness in the world. But you are not a child. Children have yet to experience and understand the world beyond their expectations of parental love. There is no way that a child can respond and survive shocks to their emotional makeup when love is withdrawn, or love is expressed inappropriately or even appropriately. Children will begin naturally, unconsciously, to develop mechanisms to shut out or gather things from a place of reaction. To be a mature adult, we really need to stay present with the world. To unravel our reactionary feelings from what is appropriate to the moment. It’s like when someone is immersed in something on their phone while driving which causes them to make unpredictable traffic errors, and reacts angrily when people start honking at them. Childlike wonder is not being present to what your life is in that moment. If you are not present to your life, how can you respond well enough to it? And express it to your full potential?

This is no way to live.

To live constantly in the shadow of specialness is exhausting. WE ALL are not special. None of us. WE ALL are not anything but normal. The most beautiful part of the human heart is to recognize this in each other. WE ALL live and strive to be the best we can be – yes. We have uniqueness in as much as each of us is an individual. But to hang our hat on Special? That, there, is a neurosis.

Social media has made our lives a lie to the world. We only show what’s good, and lovely in our lives. Is it because there’s the prevailing admonishment of anyone who says they’re struggling is just trying to get attention? Is it not true the other way around? How relieved we are to hear from people who have felt or are feeling the same way. Our struggles are universal and we are calmed to hear – I feel that, too. Celebration of victory comes from sharing in the struggle. If the heroine didn’t almost give up, then we would not feel the elation of victory.

Grow up into a mature heart that knows that life can be rough. That the fear we feel is mostly manufactured. In our heads. Maybe the answer to seeing each other as humans that are fallible, are not perfect, who hurt and cry, who sing and dance is to be like guardians, treat each other as a precious gift to watch over and watch grow. Love that is Big can weather any perceived differences the intellect throws up. The Big Heart is courageous. The Big Love is sweet.

Love like that.

#love #earth #human #freedom 

** Anyone who knows the person whose photo this is, please let me know – I’d like to give them credit. Thanks.

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Truth as I know it…

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Truth is risky.

Truth challenges you.

If you feel superior, or satisfied in YOUR truth then it is not TRUTH – it’s an opinion.

Truth, when first encountered, should shatter your status quo. It should unnerve you.
It will always keep you on your toes should you slip into sleep and become complacent.

Truth is not what anyone says or tries to convince you of. It is the thing that pings you in your sleep. And it is beyond conscience. It is beyond behavior.

Truth is Heart.

It is the Heart-ness of you. Not sentimental love. Not clinging, conditional love.
It is a giving of yourself. Who you think you are. Who you want to be and giving all of that away.
Truth is listening for gold as you put your ear to the ground.

When there’s an ache in your Heart that moves you to give of yourself – that feels risky – That is Truth.

Endangered Species

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Why have endangered lists for species on the edge of disaster – some may ask? Some think that it might be too much of a snowflake thing to be so concerned – especially at the expense of property, and commerce.

We are supposed to be guardians.

Aboriginal people throughout the world recognize this. Living so close with the earth’s rhythms, they understand the true ebb and flow of life on the earth. Abundance and then scarcity have always been the rhythm. It is an imposed, arbitrary and very ego-ic idea to think that there is only growth – like thinking that there’s only light, it undermines our own true nature and doesn’t inform us of how to live as Humans as part of the species on earth.

We are the only creature that takes and doesn’t give back.
We don’t have anything more that makes us greater than any other species on earth except one thing – our impact here due to our greed and appetites can and are devastating the earth at an alarming rate.
To give back – is to recognize this. We’re the only ones who can protect the earth and its life (including us) by recognizing our responsibility in wreaking havoc here. We are the only creature on earth that offers nothing back. We can only do it through our conscience.

Things change and then some…

I am diving back into writing my blog! I’m so excited!

A lot has changed since I last wrote.

I have refocused my life from being a full time yoga/meditation teacher and therapist to a full time screenwriter. I know!! But it’ll all make sense once you get to know me. 🙂

I have been writing for a long time – like every writer that I know – I’ve been writing ever since I could (talk) hold a pen. But life conspired to make me believe in the voices that said, “I wasn’t good enough”, “writing isn’t a job”, “it doesn’t even have a pension!”

I wanted to write like Beckett and Pinter, GB Shaw and Stoppard, Camus and Kafka. I wanted to be the first female absurdist writer. Mimicking the works of Beckett and Stoppard, but in a Shaw-ian kind of way… That would have to wait. A. Very. Long. Time.

I’m like a cat. I have had a few lives.

I’ve been an architect, graduating and working in the field. After a few years, I decided to take my passion for architecture and translate that into sculpture and art. And writing. I did some writing! But there was no momentum. I made some money. But not enough to keep me alive. It wasn’t the age of the internet in the way it is now, with remote jobs and Google. God bless Google. I went back to design – I worked for a while doing interiors and helping a friend dress clothing store windows. Yeah. Like Rhoda.

But my life was falling apart – slowly, snail’s pace. Like I couldn’t even see it – but I felt it. So what did I do? What every one should do, I went to get my Therapist skills certificate to figure out MY LIFE. And because, I’m fascinated by what makes us tick. I had been practicing and studying yoga throughout my university years and then doing it as any practitioner would – finding teachers I like, studios that had my style (after being introduced to Ashtanga I didn’t look back). I was hot wired from very early on to do this kind of work, and so I gave myself permission to let go of all my creative outlets and focus the energy on the creative impulse of yoga and meditation. I became a teacher a year after I decided this route. I did an enormous amount of training and teaching. And finally, in 2007, opened my first studio!

Having that studio was an experience that deepened my practice more and I taught a teacher training – all by myself. I did everything all by myself. I burnt out and the town where I had the studio wasn’t interested enough in the kind of yoga I offered so I had to close. I continued with teaching private lessons and had therapy clients. My second studio turned more into a performance space than a yoga studio. I had already started writing screenplays at this time. I dove right in! I invited people to perform, do seminars and I even had partners to start launching our own productions in the space. But I chose the wrong people to partner with and it ended with me closing the studio and abandoning that kind of entrepreneurialship. I wasn’t cut out for it… It exhausted me. Competing with every other space downtown.

I’m not sure how many lives I have left – but it’ll be the expanding of my writing – because finally after all my experiences, I am finally writing! The writing gods have descended upon me and said, now! Now you can write!

The early posts on this blog are from when I was a full time yoga teacher, and wanted to share my experiences. It is my intention to continue to share with you my ongoing commitment to my spiritual practice; share some of the insight I have gained through the years.

I will be sharing my experiences with writing, and setting my sights on making it as a writer. Fingers crossed. Here we go!

Thanks for visiting and I hope you enjoy!

Peace!

CK

Ok, let’s talk: A response to the Bell Let’s Talk campaign

Yes. Let’s talk about how pharmaceutical companies have made natural human physiological changes occurring from stress, hormone imbalances, etc. into diseases so that they can make more money off of people who don’t understand that if they made some life changes as their lives change that they can do without the pills that doctors push on them that have more side effects and are less effective than say: exercise, eating better, etc..

Thanks for this. It is very well said.

Let’s stop talking and start listening to ourselves and our bodies.

Vision Passion Action

This post was written by Danielle Landry. She teaches Mad People’s History as part-time instructor with the School of Disability Studies.

A drawing of a road side stand with the words "psychiatric help 5 cents" on top. Inside the stand there is a person with a blue text box. The bottom of the stand reads "The corporation is in"Ok, let’s talk.

Let’s talk about how those two new workplace scenario commercials only reinforce the idea that it’s unsafe to talk about mental health to your boss or co-workers, instead of establishing that employers in Ontario actually have a duty to accommodate disabled workers, including those with psychiatric disabilities.

Let’s stop positioning disabled people as charity cases through a-nickel-for-every-text campaigns.

Let’s talk about the erosion of our social systems through corporate greed.

Let’s ask why Bell hasn’t instituted any programs to support its low-income customers, such as if they need a reprieve from paying their bills during a hospital stay.

Let’s talk about why it’s not okay that we have to rely on corporate sponsorship to sustain our mental health system. Let’s ask if corporate influence serves to…

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Movies – Sex vs Violence

This is a response to an article about how sex in movies is the biggest concern for parents and not the violence in movies

Of course it is the biggest concern. How scary is it when two people who are mutually attracted to one another get it on!? Oh dear! As opposed to – of course – when two people who mutually despise one another get to rip each other’s heads off.

It makes sense when you want to see life in black and white, good and bad.

It’s not the violence that people respond to – it’s the aftermath; how good it feels to come out victorious from a seemingly and albeit blind, righteous battle – seeing the bloody heads of your enemy strewn about – it’s a wonder, the heroes of movies don’t look into the camera and say without any irony, “I did that.”

What violence in movies represents (or more the point, our acceptance and love of violence in the movies) is the shadow of our culture. 

Our society and the people in it (that means YOU) – point the finger at other cultures and exclaim that they are the ones who are barbaric or evil and without god! They are the ones who are killing each other. But you forget to look at yourselves. Here in America/Canada, you are just as blood-thirsty as the next guy or culture. Don’t fool yourselves.

Every one of us needs to be the “hero” of our own story. It’s human nature – fine. What isn’t fine is not knowing that you are just as “good” or just as “bad” as anyone else in this world. You are just as imperfect as the rest of us. Without knowing this, you can not look at someone else without making them your enemy – and that goes for those who are close to you or those whom you don’t know.

You make the righteous argument that you decide what is right and what is wrong because of some arbitrary notion that somehow in some other universe, you were “chosen” to do so. You think you are the ones who are the purveyors of justice and you get to hold your righteous indignation over the heads of all others while you sit pretty in your ivory towers looking down, way down on everyone else.

You, my dear fellow human beings, are not better and no worse than the guy/guys who gunned down/blew up/mowed down/blew to smithereens people the other day, last week, two months ago, a year ago, 3 years ago, 5 years ago, etc. etc. etc. because they also thought that what they were doing was righteous and just – whatever was going on in their heads.

Violence, contrary to your belief, no matter the cause, is NOT a virtuous act. As much as, keeping your daughters locked up and keeping sex out of the lives of living breathing human beings is not a virtuous act. God doesn’t want this – the powers that be do. The fight between good and evil is all made up in your head and was planted there by those who wanted to make you afraid. First it was the church, the clergy and those powers, and now it’s your conservative powers – who want to keep you afraid and angry and righteously indignant and armed.

The feelings that rise up in you about sex has been planted (again by the same powers) in you that they are bad – why? Because it serves them to do so. Feelings of sex are natural. They raise up out of attraction, desire, and natural body functions. Feelings of violence raise up out of hatred for the unknown and a fictional enemy that has been made up – depending on who/what the powers that be want to vanquish. Violence is not a natural body function. It comes from the intellectualization of fear.

So those of you who don’t like sex in movies – it’s not about the sex itself – it’s about the fear that it brings up and the feelings associated with that fear. That fear doesn’t feel good so you blame sex for it and therefore make it the culprit for your imagined fear. And you feel violent against it. Anytime you feel you need to protect yourself (through the proxy of your children), there always has to be violence behind it.  And there is the violence again. The thing that you are more comfortable with because somehow it makes you feel more virtuous.

Parents are afraid more often than not and put it on their children – if you don’t believe me, ask the millennials.

And sex in movies brings up that feeling. Fear brings on feelings of protection which ultimately begets feelings of violence. Most people feel this way most of the time. So when violence is in movies, it justifies your own feelings of violence – because ultimately in movies, the violence is virtuous (good against evil) and therefore just. You feel better about your own feelings.

It’s terribly basic and frankly frustrating to a person like me, who can see through all the stories that we are told – what to fear, what not to fear.

I do fear one thing though, that this shadow: the fear that people are not talking about, the hatred that is in their hearts; is not being looked at.

People’s hearts have hardened in the last few decades – because people are afraid. That is what makes me sad. Their hearts are only open to the easiest things to love in this world: puppies, funny cat vids, cute children saying cute things, really nice people, beautiful people – those are the easy things to love. How about trying to not fear and love those who are really difficult to love? It doesn’t mean you have to accept what they do. That goes for those you love – you don’t have to swallow the kolaid. But when we can see that violence is never called for – that love is the only answer, then and only then can we be free.

This is in response to this article:

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/movie-ratings-sex-remains-top-845507

The Story of the Girl Undressing in Public (Written by Jae West)

Courage. Perseverance. Love.

Inspiralight

As I stepped onto the streets of Piccadilly Circus with white board and markers in one hand and blindfold in the other, I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of vulnerability at what I was about to do. Observing the

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