The Continuing Saga of My Relationship with My Computer

Last night, I left my computer in the living room in the cubby hole space I have to do my practice in – I need it there to play music. I didn’t leave it there on purpose – I just left it there.

After my practice, I sat at my desk for about an hour without my computer in front of me. I had a feeling I had not felt in a long long time at my desk – breath, air, space. There was a feeling of such relaxed contentment that I could actually think! My thoughts were my own. I felt creative!

I was not deterred or distracted from just staring out the window or looking down at the empty page in my book. I was really there observing. Not partaking in anything that constantly needed my attention because there was nothing to do but to be in my space. It felt good – really good.

I think I’m going to do that every day for an hour – take my computer off my desk and sit there with my own thoughts. ahhhhhh.

What I Offer At The Studio Has A Lot To Do With What I’ve Experienced In My Life…

I grew up with the notion that women were less than. This attitude was perpetuated by both parents and then siblings. I did not believe this but was victim to it time and time again. I became quiet and reserved with my feelings yet expressed my opinions aggressively. I was confused a lot of the time about who I was and what I was doing, who to love and who loved me. It took me a long time to unravel the mess that was my childhood because it was all about me trying to appease those around me, rather than listening to myself… I lost sight of who I was.

My spiritual practice and training – once I realized that it was do or die, allowed me to become whole again. Through this work, I realized my fullness, and I was able to see a way through.

This is (one of the reasons) why I practice and teach yoga, meditation and offer Transpersonal Therapy.

I believe I can assist those who want it, to see a way through as well. I realized both victim and perpetrator are in constant protection mode because of their feelings of emptiness and vulnerability. I can guide the process of unravelling and then the reasserting and rebuilding that comes after.

I grew up in a family that believed that you have to be “crazy” to go to a therapist. But I soon learned that this is a process of growth and discovery (when done well) and not an exercise in labeling and pointing fingers.

I believe EVERYONE should seek out self-knowledge – to practice self-awareness/self-observation through any means – the best of which are: yoga (taught by a teacher that practices this not only the postures), meditation (taught by a teacher that practices to see passed the egoic nature), and therapy (facilitated by a person who believes that the spirit is a huge part of the equation and that it’s not about “fixing” you). All of this can bring you leaps and bounds into another and more full sense of self that calms the storms of self-absorption/self-centredness. (Self-observation/awareness is opposite to self-absorption/centredness).

Why am I telling you this? Because this is what I do. I offer those who seek it – wholeness through the therapy I offer, and the yoga classes and meditation (private or semi-private) I have at the studio. I believe I have experienced all this – the prejudice, the name calling, the putdowns, the self-doubt, etc. – in order to work through them and come out the other side with understanding and equanimity so that I can be a light to those who are still in darkness and who believe and feel that there is more to them than what those around them are saying, and who would like to live more fully and more present in their own lives.

 

Here’s the article that inspired this note:
http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-women-arent-crazy/

The Road I’ve Travelled…

ImageI received a message in a bottle: “You can never learn less; you can only learn more. The reason I know so much is because I have made so many mistakes.” – Buckminster Fuller.

Although I found this quote to be accurate in describing me and my life’s wandering, I have to say that I don’t really want to use the word “mistakes”. Mr. Fuller might have resonated with the word, he had to have to write this, but I can’t say I do.

Twists and Turns

I believe we go through life as we should. Twisting and turning, having ups and downs, starting and stopping, changing direction as we do a thought in mid-sentence. There is not one thing that I’ve done in my life that I would call a “mistake”. I did what I have done for one of two reasons – either it was the only option at the time and I couldn’t see around the situation in my present moment or I saw a need or a value in going down that particular road a little further to see where I end up – I had a notion, a feeling about it.

Who Is Choosing?

What am I saying? I really did not “choose” to do anything. This is the road that which was shown to me and on which I travelled, for better or for worse, really there was no choice.

As a Spiritual Being, I believe that and I don’t see much wrong with it. It makes sense to me. The twists and turns of my life, as the quote says are why I know so much about a lot of things…yes. All that I know, experienced and thought about, all inform me in remarkable and profound ways. I would never regret, resent or want to change one moment of my life. The word mistakes makes me feel that I should or would want to and I don’t.

Experience Begets Knowledge

So… I would then say this: During the evolution of my consciousness, I have experienced necessary and intense states of clarity, confusion, elation, and heartache. These took me to deeper levels of being and contentment. While on a secular level I may have, at times, displayed lack of direction to those around me, I was being directed inward first. Now looking back at all I’ve accumulated, my knowledge and my practice, I can say that I’ve learned a great deal about the world and more importantly about myself, and am more clear and resolved than ever before within myself. How can anything I’ve been through be a mistake when it has led me to this profound awareness?

The mystery continues to unfold. I am grateful for all of it.

I am what I chose to be.

That’s not necessarily true. Not in my experience of my Spiritual Practice… The universe has set a path for you and the reason to do Yoga: meditation, asana, etc. is to be able to get out of your way and see that path clearly. Our task in life, our life’s purpose is to Realize that and to Follow or live it – not blindly but Enthusiastically!

I am what I cho…

Yoga Asana Practice in LA

20130114_14122620130114_144358 20130114_144304 20130115_142909Yoga Asana Practice in LA

I get up. I shower. I put my yoga gear on. I stand on my mat. I greet the day. I practice. My mat is already set out. There is no thought behind it. I just get on my mat as I would sit at my computer, sit in front of the tv, or wash the dishes. My practice is difficult today. I breath and move through it. I don’t go to studios anymore. I believe it is good to do my practice on my own. After years of practice, it comes naturally. My favorite part: sitting at the front of my mat and greet the universe.

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I miss going to Mysore classes…

I miss going to Mysore classes...

I miss my Mysore classes. I miss the feeling of doing yoga in a room with people who are doing similar things. Although it was not a very communal atmosphere; everyone was there for themselves really. So was I. It just felt really good to be in your own practice with people around you. I practice at home alone. Different. I’ve been doing that for about 9 or 10 years now. I’ve become my own teacher finally. I thank all my teachers and teachers of the lineage for their work and guidance throughout the first 20 years of my discovering my own practice. I keep you in my heart.

Picture is from a studio in Boston. I just liked the interaction of the assisting teacher and the student. It was like that sometimes.

Let’s talk about yoga!

My Experience w/ the Spiritual Journey

I owned and directed the Shama-Bhakti Yoga Centre for 5 years.
I’ve been teaching yoga for at least 13. (mostly Ashtanga and stylized Vinyasa)
I’ve been practicing for over 30.
I’ve been teaching mediation for 7 years and practicing…all my life.
I’ve trained in Thai Yoga Massage.
I am a Transpersonal Therapist.
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This is the breadth of my Yoga experience. I have developed my life of yoga to include all the above and I teach and practice accordingly.
As a student and teacher of yoga for a few decades now, I have experienced many things. I have watched my students grow and change. I’ve watched them come and go.
I have changed myself, in leaps and bounds with the guidance of my teacher(s) and my own practice of Yoga which includes: asana, meditation, journey of the heart process, pranayama, etc., and of course, I have grown as a teacher because of my students.
I have watched yoga practices change in the west and have commented on how it has been appropriated and reshaped into something that is accessible to the general public (those who do not seek spiritual work). Although to some, this may be the order of the day, I don’t feel that the practice of yoga especially the asana practice (Hatha) is the be-all-end-all. And I teach accordingly. (I will write about this and other things in my blog soon.)
It is my intention to share with you my ongoing commitment to my spiritual practice; share some of the insight I have gained through the years.
Please feel free to share your thoughts and ask any question about meditation, asana, the heart process, breathing, psychology, etc.
If you directly comment to anyone plz be mindful. If you need to vent or complain do so with grace. If you want to let anyone know how much you appreciate them say it with gusto.:-))
Oh and one more thing…if you do use any of the content you find here in my pages including images and text graphics or otherwise, PLZ be mindful and give credit where credit is due! Thx…
Peace!
Christine
Founder of the Shama-Bhakti Yoga Centre